Things are doing well. I’m feeling well and I think am finally used to this house. Right now I’m waiting for fall to hit with the cooler temperatures and crisp air and all the things I love about fall. It’s by far my favourite time of year.
I’m starting to feel it now. We have cool days mixed in more with the hot and the hot doesn’t seem so stifling.
I made short ribs the other day cause it was cool enough to have my oven on for three hours. They were delicious. I forgot how good they were. I’m excited to be able to actually cook in my kitchen. And bake! I haven’t baked in ages!
So I guess it’s getting better. We’ve been here almost a month now and are starting to feel settled. We fixed the problem we had with the cat getting into the basement and crawl space. The noise went away. The weather has been fantastic and rainy all month. This house has its issues but I suppose it’s just something you get used to. This week we have roofers coming to redo the roof, and hopefully after that, we’ll be able to fully relax and settle.
So we’ve moved. It didn’t go great. The cat did much better than expected. I did much worse. I feel like I’m in mourning for the old house.
I loved it. I was so happy there. Finally, happy. I didn’t want to move, I just wasn’t ready when it was time. I’m still not ready.
The new house is nice. It has more things about it that I like better, but it’s new and a big change all around. And above all I wasn’t ready.
All I can think is since we had to move in a certain amount of time we couldn’t be very picky. We had to take one of the first ones that hit most of the boxes, and now we’re locked in for a year.
One year. I’m giving it that year to see how much I like it here. I don’t want to move again but I’m giving it a year.
I’ve thought many times about having Pumpernickel as an emotional support animal, but after the other day that has gone to the wind.
First off, we bought her a harness so that when we had the doors open to cool the house off in the summer, we could put her on a leash. That’s not needed now. I did put her in it however, to see if she liked being outside. She did great in her harness! Even with the leash on it! When I took her outside though she did a full nope and walked back inside the house. Twice. So now I don’t have to worry about her trying to get out.
Second. She had diarrhea for just over a week, and being to worrying mother I am I took her to the doctor. (She had had too much dairy at once and it basically killed the healthy bacteria. She got some antibiotics and probiotics and within 24 hours she had nice hard poops again.) She wore her harness wonderfully, but she hated the car ride. I felt so bad for her. She was in such distress until she got back into the comfort of her own home.
After those two things I realized she would never be able to come with me places. And that’s ok. I don’t go out often anyways, and even though I do miss her when I do go out, I look forward to her cuddles when I do come home.
And now our bubble has burst. So far we’ve had a fantastic year. That was until we were told yesterday that we have to move again.
I was actually happy. For the first time in years, decades even. I was content and happy and had found joy. All that has crashed down and gone away.
We have just under four months to find a new place, so hopefully ample time to find somewhere with what we need, but time crunches are always fretful. To put it lightly, we’re a bit devastated and I’m still processing.
I received the best news this week. Something I’ve been waiting years for. We are finally able to have a cat! This may not be so exciting to others but for me it’s a big deal. It felt like someone told me I was pregnant.
After not being able to have a baby, the next best thing was to get a cat. And now, I finally can!
We went out the next day and just happened across a beautiful little kitty in a pet shop. She has to be one of the most beautiful cats I’ve ever seen. She’s a rescue and from a local humane society. They think she’s about 6 months old.
We went in the adoption room to visit with her and other than being very curious, she wasn’t shy at all! She immediately let me touch her and even pick her up. She was instantly purring. Even husband likes her!
We immediately filled out adoption forms and are now waiting to hear back if we get to keep her. It makes me super anxious though, with the waiting, and I’m so nervous that they’ll turn us down. I’m already so in love with her and I just want her home so I can spoil her.
Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in my comfort zone. It’s nice and cozy and non threatening. I basically stay home, mostly by myself, and clean, cook, and binge Netflix.
Then I get the feeling that I should step out of my comfy bubble and do something scary. I reach out and try to make a plan with someone and they shut it down. They don’t realize how hard it is, and it sets me back, and I never want to leave my bubble again.
This time, I’m not reaching out. I know what the response will be. I don’t want to be rejected again. So I’ll stay in my bubble and everyone else can go fuck themselves.
There’s a thing planned in March. There’s going to be a lot of people there and I don’t want to go. The thing is we have no reason why we can’t and it would be really shitty of us not to, except I know already what it will do to me.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but there’s so many things in the way, that I haven’t been sleeping and everything seems worse because of it. It seems to be that way, things always get worse just before they get better.
Right now, things are not great.